Samurai Cop starring Mathew Karedas is a super low budget action movie from 1991, and it is absolutely glorious. It has everything that a bad action movie should have: ridiculous violence, terrible acting and lines, a memorable cast, pointless explosions, and gratuitous nudity.

The story is that Karedas is a cop named Joe Marshall (he speaks fluent Japanese*) called in from San Diego to Las Angeles to put a stop to the Japanese Katana Gang lead by the raspy voiced, mullet-sporting Fuj…Fujiyama? It is not explained why Marshall is called in, but I guess he’s an expert in katana gangs, or something. It doesn’t matter. The plot is secondary in this film. Fujiyama’s more of the secondary villain to Robert Zdar’s Okamura, a man with an Asian name who is clearly not Asian.

Some memorable moments in this memorable film include Okamura’s stealth infiltration into a hospital by dressing as a doctor, but still hiding himself – in costume – in a laundry bin, the fact that every female character in this movie has a fully nude scene (all of which go on far longer than is necessary). Perhaps the most memorable character is the surly police chief. He has to be the most miserable, no-nonsense police officer ever put to film, ultimately telling his two employee cops that they can and should go kill all of the katana gang members remorselessly. He also delivers one of my new favourite lines, “I feel like I got a giant pole stuck up my ass…and it hurts.” Beautiful.

The acting in this movie may be the worst I’ve ever sat through, but it’s a fun kind of bad acting, not a painful kind (current day Nicolas Cage vs. current day Al Pacino, to be clear). All the actors seem to forget lines on occasion and make stuff up, make stupid faces that seem to be hiding smirks, and stumble over what lines they do deliver. It’s great.

The soundtrack of this movie is also worth noting. I believe it’s only one or two songs, but they sound like they would fit right in on a Sega Genesis side scrolling beat ’em up. Not a good one, mind you.

I don’t want to spoil any more than I might already have. But do yourselves a favour and see this one.

 

 

*He doesn’t. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paTW3wOyIYw)

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